Tuesday, 13 March 2018

Monday Miscellaneous: What I'm doing

  1. Hoping that everyone in the UK found the Day that Shall Not be Named passed peacefully, and that you're ready to get back to normal without all the hype.
  2. Ending my nine days away (read about a section of it on A Separate Life here), and grateful for the time away, but slightly annoyed that it wasn't at a time (and therefore place) of my choosing.
  3. Realising this is my life now (see above).
  4. Happy that my country is really beautiful, has great food, and is easy to travel around, and that I can do so out of high season/school holidays.
  5. Ready to work on a particular project, and really move it along.
  6. Frustrated that I am struggling to find a way to earn money in these last years before retirement.
  7. Determined to try to let things go more, so thinking about getting back into meditation and yoga.
  8. Committing to find exercise that will carry me through the winter that will inevitably arrive ... just not yet, please.

Tuesday, 6 March 2018

Real life

We found someone to look after the kids so we're going away for a few days. Scratch that. We found someone to stay with the elderly in-laws for a few days, so we're going away for a few days. Our life at the moment isn't so free and easy, but those who think that the No Kidding live free and easy lives are short-sighted. Just as those No Kidding folks who think that having children is all about playing happy families are blinded to the realities of life.

So we've hit the road, and we're going to explore a part of New Zealand we don't know very well. Unfortunately, the weather is supposed to crack up in a day or two, but we didn't get to choose when to go away. So we have books and music and wine, and if we have to hunker down at the beach bach we've booked, then we're ready for that.

Monday, 26 February 2018

Talking about infertility and childlessness

You could have knocked my socks off. I was watching a recorded TV programme the other night,  forgot to fast foward through the ads, and then I heard Jesse (I've written about him before) talking about our Prime Minister's pregnancy (and since then another Cabinet Minister has announced her pregnancy, as has a well-known TV personality), and how tough this news could be for those don't have children. His 5-day-a week TV programme is going to run a series of items about infertility this week, to
"make conversations about not having babies as natural and normal and open as having them." 
I don't know if he's talking about himself - he does go on a bit at times about being a father, but equally tries not to say things like "as a parent" and to be more inclusive. and when he asked "that question" he did note there had been a lot of discussion in the team about whether it was even appropriate to ask.

I found this article and video, and I will be watching/recording this week to report back.

This is the first time I've heard any prominent media programme talk about not having children as the most normal thing possible. I wanted to cheer. I just hope that they include those of us who don't come out of infertility with babies, as well as those who do.

Monday, 19 February 2018

No Kidding Living – Childlessness is Always Present

A post this morning about being reminded about infertility at a doctor's appointment surprised me a little. It surprised me because it reminded me that those who come through infertility without children can forget about it for periods of time. We see a lot of writing (and commenting) from compassionate, thoughtful women who have children after infertility, and remember their journey. But I'm not sure I ever realised that they might be able to think, "oh yes, infertility," as if they have forgotten for a while they were infertile, as if it is now irrelevant to their lives.

Those of us who didn't come out of it with children don't need to be reminded about infertility, because the inevitable and inseparable outcome of childlessness is always with us. It doesn't really pop up and remind us, as it would be as unusual for me to think, "oh yes, I have no kids" any more than people with children might think, "oh yes, I have kids." We live with our realities every day.

But I wanted too, to remind you that this isn’t necessarily a painful state, as I noted in my post from a few years ago, in Getting Over It.

Friday, 16 February 2018

"Get out of my uterus!"

I don’t usually do book reviews, but I’ve just finished reading We're Going to Need More Wine by Gabrielle Union about her life. Actually, if I’m honest, she read it to me, as it was my latest audiobook. It is great hearing memoirs read by the people who have written them.

I didn’t know anything about her, other than she looked vaguely familiar, but I saw Trevor Noah interview her on The Daily Show, and looked for her book. I loved the book. I love her. She’s outspoken, funny, and brutally honest. She talks about racism/colourism in the US. And she talks about feminism. Or perhaps I should say, she talks about her life as seen through these lenses, with intelligence and insight.

So I was surprised – though I’m not sure why I was surprised – in one of the final chapters, for her to introduce fertility as a topic. She mentions the endless speculations about whether she’s pregnant because she was photographed wearing a jacket (when it was cold), and how difficult that made an appointment when she went for a non-gynaecological scan, being asked about five times whether she was sure she wasn’t pregnant. Then she talked about multiple miscarriages, about IVF, and about how hard it all is.

“Get out of my uterus!” she said angrily, wondering why people think they deserve to know all the details of her fertility or infertility.

I second that. Well, I would if I had one, but you know what I mean.